Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I deserve this hangover.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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