i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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