The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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