If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
