Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
