She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
