I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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