On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
