Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
