what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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