a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They have beer where we have blood.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
