nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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