Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
being pregnant is like rehab
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
