Fine. I'll sleep in my office
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
