i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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