i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
