i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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