Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
