Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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