Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
