you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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