put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
