I will die if light touches me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
