yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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