Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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