So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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