I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
