Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
