grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
