You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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