He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
