Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
