god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i dont even know how to be here
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
