maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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