just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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