i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
