I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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