Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
