cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry about my life...
I need water and some morals
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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