yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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