Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
