it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
