Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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