did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to calm my uterus...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
