maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I see more hoeing in ur future
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