the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
