Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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