Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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