True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
