Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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